The Silliest Community FanFiction Ever Written
by Lord Kristine
Summary: In a land of dragons and dinosaurs, Abed and the rest of the study group have been forgotten. But what if there's a conspiracy behind all of this? . . .
1. I Can't Count The Reasons

Jeff Winger scrolled through the messages on his phone as he waited in line to submit a form that had no discernible purpose. Britta, who was standing behind him, gave a frustrated moan.

"How long does it take to drop off a stupid form?"

"Depends on whether or not you have hands. There was a goat in front of me last time, and he dropped his papers twice. I think he eventually gave up and ate them."

"Sentient goats, huh?" Britta marveled, "Things got weird real fast."

"Yeah, I don't know what's worse: the fact that this doesn't surprise me anymore or that Abed was right all along."

"He turned out to be the sanest person among us."

"I wouldn't go _that_ far. He just got lucky."

Right on cue, Abed popped up behind them.

"Actually, I never really thought we were on a TV show, but while it came as a surprise that a world of fictional universes existed outside of our franchise, I can't say that it was an unpleasant discovery."

Britta rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, maybe not for you. The rest of us are stuck in crazytown where talking animals and superheroes roam free. Does this place even _have_ laws?"

"Yes, but they keep changing," Abed stated monotonously, "It's mostly due to the emotional instability of our dragon overlord who's been having adventures that affect our existence in the homeworld of Fiction. Ever since her granddaughter was turned to stone by the current Queen of the Universe, she's been less sympathetic than usual."

Jeff frowned.

"Wow, Abed, that was very expository, but I don't think I can trust the continuity of your statement, since Pierce seems to be alive and we just finished talking about a sentient goat."

Abed cocked his head.

"Our franchise is in limbo, so we have no continuity to maintain. Not that that matters, since the rules are always changing. I remember when we first got here. Things were simple. I helped the Phantom of the Opera play paintball. He's the grandson of the dragon."

Jeff hummed.

"That's very interesting," he said flatly, "Maybe you should tell Annie what happened."

"No point. It's already written down."

Abed held up a fancy book with gilded pages.

"The Silliest Phantom Of The Opera FanFiction Ever Written. The dragon capitalizes every word in her titles. I think she's special too."

Jeff sighed.

"Well, Abed, I'm glad you're having fun with this insanity, but some of us would rather lead a normal life."

"Normal is a relative term. Obviously you don't remember the Gas Leak Year."

Britta put her hand on his shoulder.

"Abed, it's nice that you're learning to adapt to this intense shift in the universe, but don't you think you should focus on more concrete ideas?"

"Not really," he said, tilting his head to the side, "I find the books fascinating. They aren't that well-written, but the story makes up for it. Most of the time. It can be really creative, but a lot of it is just ripping off other franchises. Ours gets plagiarized a lot."

Jeff was on his phone again.

"Hm, well, maybe you should do something about that."

"I've been thinking about it, and our show could benefit from a crossover. I'll see what I can do."

He marched away briskly. Britta craned her neck to see where he was going.

"Uh, Jeff, are you sure that was a good idea?"

"What was a good idea?"

"You told Abed to do something about it."

"About what?"

Britta smacked his arm.

"Jeff, this could be serious. Just because we're in a crazy world, it doesn't mean Abed is any less sensitive. What if he gets into trouble?"

Jeff lowered his phone with a frustrated expression.

"Britta, think about it. Now that we essentially can't die, what is the worst that could happen?"

She looked out at the crowd of fictional characters.

"I don't know, but I get the feeling we're about to find out."


	2. Quest

Abed found the dragon sleeping in a monkeypod tree. Her tail was dangling off a crooked branch, and he wondered whether or not she expected him to pull it to get her attention. Perhaps that was a bad idea. It sounded too much like an "antic" to be considered polite. In any case, he didn't have to think about it for long, because the dragon rolled over, scratching her belly as she did, and opened her eyes. When she caught sight of Abed, she froze, then leapt up and arched her back like a frightened cat.

"YOU CAN'T PROVE ANYTHING! I HAVE RIGHTS!"

"I'm not here to call you out on ripping off my show."

"This is entrapment!"

"I want to do a crossover."

The dragon's ears flicked forward.

"Oh. In that case, what format do you want to follow? We could do a literal crossover with characters from both franchises meeting each other, or we could go down the easy route and simply pay homage to one franchise through the other."

"Second option. I don't think my study group would agree to a traditional crossover."

"Cool. Who's going to fill each role?"

"Claire should be Annie-"

"No, she should be Britta, because she's the worst."

"Owen should be Jeff-"

"Good, good. They're both missing a father."

"Sarah and Vivian should be Troy and me-"

"Wait! Why can't _I_ be you?"

Abed cocked his head.

"I never really considered you an Abed. Although you often break the fourth wall, most of your humor relies on awkward reactions to mean-spirited remarks. You're more like Pierce, especially since you sometimes appear to be a villain."

The dragon's ears drooped.

"Pierce? . . ."

"Or maybe Chang, since you don't always operate within the main group."

Her face fell.

"That's even worse. Plus, Chang is already related to someone in this world."

Abed hummed.

"Well, I hate to cast you as something you don't like, but you brought it upon yourself by doing weird and often villainous things. Worst case scenario, we can make you the equivalent of the Dean. Your sexual escapades are on par with his."

The dragon's lower beak wobbled.

"Am I really _that_ weird? Gosh, I never thought about it that way. I mean, I knew I was different, but I never realized that I was being shunned solely because of my actions."

"You _have_ realized that. Several times, in fact. Don't you remember?"

The dragon sniffled.

"Oh, god! My whole life, I've been flying in some crazy loop of irresponsibility! I never learn my lesson, because no one sticks around long enough to remind me what happens if I go astray. I'm so alone . . ."

Abed twisted his mouth.

"Well, if you _really_ don't want to do this crossover-"

The dragon shook her head fiercely.

"I do. Trust me: it's all I've ever wanted, but . . . Well, I'm just starting to realize how stupid I am. My life has amounted to nothing. I've had countless children, secured innumerable jobs, and gone on infinite adventures, but none of that matters. I'm just a lonely dragon who leeches off the success of others."

She looked down dolefully, but pricked her ears out of nowhere. Abed narrowed his eyes.

"You changed your face. Are you happy?"

"I know what we have to do," she whispered.

"And that is? . . ."

"We have to find Dan Harmon!"

She struck a noble pose. Abed blinked.

"How did you come to that conclusion?"

She shrugged.

"Dunno. It seemed logical when I thought of it, so why not go ahead and do it?"

"Because-"

"Rhetorical question."


	3. One By One

Abed and the dragon crept into a dark, moist cave, where it was rumored that Dan Harmon was lurking after having lost the show he was most known for. It was a spooky setting, with all the cavelike qualities one might imagine. Stalagmites, stalactites, the sound of dripping water that always seemed distant even though it would have to be visible at some point . . . these characteristics lent the cavern an ominous ambiance.

"Abed, stay ten paces in front of me."

"Why? Do you want me to get eaten first?"

"No! . . . Well, yes, but I don't think Dan Harmon will eat you."

"How can you be sure?"

"He's Dan Harmon. The worst he can do is block you on Twitter."

Abed slowed down slightly.

"Well, what if he's not alone? What if there's a monster in here?"

"There's no monster."

"How can you be sure?"

"Because Dan Harmon wouldn't have access to monsters."

"He has access to a cave."

"Caves aren't monsters."

"I think you'll find that-"

Suddenly, they both leapt back and gave a cry, because something very large had dropped down from the ceiling. It rose, and they were shocked to see another dragon standing before them.

"God, what _took_ you so long? I've been waiting for eons!" he yapped.

Abed's companion twitched as her jaw dropped.

"Horaneith?!"

The other dragon nodded.

"Yeah, it's me. Dad dumped me here a while back. I've been posing as Dan Harmon to get your attention, but the real Dan Harmon kicked me out of his apartment last Tuesday."

She sputtered in reply. Abed looked from one yellow dragon to the other.

"Are you two siblings? Is it racist to assume that?"

"This is my brother."

"Ah."

There was an awkward pause. Horaneith cleared his throat.

"I guess we should head back to wherever you came from."

***TSCFEW***

"And that's when the dragons dropped me off here in Fiction Headquarters," Abed finished, "It wasn't much of a crossover, but at least it had a couple of highlights."

Jeff looked at him with a stoic expression.

"And . . . what did this build up to?"

"Nothing much," Abed replied.

"That's disappointing," Annie remarked, crinkling her brow, "I was hoping we'd get some sort of prize for reuniting them."

"But I did all the work," Abed said bluntly.

Annie gave a tight-lipped smile and shrugged.

"Yeah, but we could help them some more. Right, guys?"

There was a collective hum of uncertainty around the table.

"Sounds like they'll get along fine without us," Britta concluded, "I mean, they're dragons, and dragons don't have familial problems, right? I'll bet that's a stereotype."

"Is it?" Pierce asked.

"Guys, it doesn't matter," Jeff stated, "We're together now, and that's all that matters. I'm sure the dragons will learn the same lesson when the time is right."

There was a long silence. Growing impatient, Abed cocked his head.

"Isn't that an easy resolution?"

Jeff smiled.

"Yes it is, Abed. Yes it is."

 **The End**


End file.
